With a Little Help From My Friends
by Fenrir's Daughter
Summary: Collaberation with Shimoariku. Random multi crossover using two authors as characters.
1. Jack's Bad Day

FD:Hi everybody!(Hello, Dr. Nick!) I've gotten together with my good friend, an authoress by the name of Shimoariku, to bring you a random story of randomness!

Shimo: And I hang around her? Oh well. This little story is just for fun. Keep an eye out since we have characters from all over the place. You'll understand in time, Grasshopper…

FD:Stuff in **bold** is mine, and _italics_ are by Shimo-chan! Also, I have a big surprise for all of my regular readers and I shall explain at the end of the chapter.(Looks back and forth shiftily.)

Shimo: Don't ask… it will only hurt your brain. And for My regular readers… if I have any… this story will be in my favorites listing for easy access. Wait… that sounded better in my head… (runs around frantically pulling out her hair) GYAAAA!!!

FD: (sighs) We no own. You no sue. Roll it.

* * *

_**With a Little Help From My Friends**_

_**By: Fenrir's Daughter and Shimoariku**_

**_-----+-----_**

**Kurt, Shimo, FD and Tsume were riding through rural China on a rickshaw, being pulled by Shimo's latest undead minion, a shinobi named Sasuke Uchiha.**

**It was quiet enough; besides the constant "Are we there yet?"'s from Tsume, the forest around them was fairly silent. But in the back of her mind, Shimo knew something was going to happen. As a Vampire, she had unquestionable tiger instincts. Indeed; something was gonna go down… something random…**

**"Be on guard," she said. In answer to their master, FD and Tsume bared their fangs, sniffing the air for possible enemies, and were rewarded with a scream and a loud explosion.**

**Plummeting from the sky was a person in a black tattered trenchcoat, their backpack in flames.**

**"Ooohh! Pretty," Sasuke said, shielding his eyes from the glare with one hand.**

_"Damn it Sasuke," Shimo said. "Don't stare at the light. It'll hurt your eyes."_

_"Ssorry Misstresssssssssssssssss," he said, bowing his head._

_"You better be." Shimo just sat back after snapping Sasuke's reins to move the cart forward. FD, however, decided to go somewhere else._

**Transforming into a wolf, FD jumped off into the afternoon, tracking the fallen… whatever it was. Finally, after a few minutes, she found a boy in a smoldering crater, huddled in a ball and breathing deeply.**

**She shifted back into her human form, stumbling down the side of the crater to him. She felt for a pulse and woke him up, smiling down at him.**

**"Uggh… What the—Who are you?" the startled boy asked looking around suspiciously. Oh great; he must have crashed.**

**"Fenrir's Daughter," she answered with a smile. " I don't really have a name, so everyone just calls me FD. You fell from the sky, man, but from the screams I thought you were a girl."**

**He turned a deep shade of scarlet, gathering up the remains of what FD now recognized as some sort of jetpack or other.**

**"Are you okay?" she inquired.**

**"Like you care!" he said in a huff, then muttered, "Like anyone cares."**

**"Cough—emo—cough…"**

**"Exsqueeze me?"**

**"Nothing!"**

_Suddenly, there was a bright flash and grey smoke, accompanied by a sulfur smell. When it subsided, Kurt was standing a few feet away holding a very ticked off Vampire._

_"Damn it FD!" Shimo yelled making her way over to the ookami (1). "Don't do that again!" Her attention was caught by the boy with the fire truck red hair._

_"…FD…" Kurt noticed the anime vein popping in Shimo's forehead. _

_"Shimo…" Kurt was a little too late._

_"GOD DAMN IT ALL! FD, I said no more strays!"_

_"Aww, c'mon!" she said, throwing her arms around the boy protectively. "Pleeeeeeeease?"_

**"AUGH! Get it off! Get it off!"**

**Shimo rolled her eyes. "FD, let him go. Damn it, don't make me get the hose!"**

**She whimpered, loosening her grip on the boy as he scrambled away. His head finally clearing, the pale boy with the red hair got a good look at the other three in the crater with him, and in a moment hysteria felt strangely akin to Santa Claus when he realized he was in Halloween Town, with all the monsters staring down at him…**

**The girl who woke him up stood around 5'6"; she had brown eyes and glasses, and her dark brown hair was in messy braided pigtails. She wore black converse all stars, dark blue boot-cut jeans, a purple T-shirt with lime green stripes and leather bracelets with metal studs on both wrists. In addition to this, she now had pointed ears and a fluffy wolfbrush of a tail.**

_The person… or whatever… with the orange hair actually made him uneasy. She stood about 5'3", had all black clothes covered with a leather trenchcoat and black heeled boots. She was fingering her necklace with an indifferent look on her face. Her eyes were electric green with slits for pupils._

_She couldn't be human; he knew this. She was creepy to say the least. But he couldn't help but stare at her. There was just something oddly attractive about her._

_Shimo noticed him staring at her. More or less a little lower than her neck. She began to growl and the fuzzy dude glared in his direction. He took a few steps back in fear, not completely sure what was going to happen to him. All he knew was that glowing eyes were never a good sign. He should know; Wuya's eyes did that too._

**Woah, rewind! —Fuzzy dude?! Indeed; there was what would have been a boy, were it not for the blue fur coating his body and long tail with a spade end. His legs were like that of a cat, only two toes each. Noticing his wild eyes, Kurt reached out to help the pale person up… with his three-fingered hand!**

**The boy yelped like a small dog in pain, trying to scale the wall of the crater, than finally crumpling into a shivering heap on the ground. FD sighed and strolled up to him.**

**"Are you done yet?" she asked with mock concern. The boy stood up casually and dusted himself off.**

**"Yeah," he said. "Sorry about that."**

**"So, um, what's your name?" the ookami asked, tilting her head in that cute manner of a confused dog.**

**"Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius!" he replied striking a Superman pose and smiling wickedly.**

**"Well, that explains the jetpack at least."**

**"Actually, it's a helibot."**

**"Like Inspector Gadget?!" she squealed excitedly.**

**"Ummm, no."**

**"Oh." There was an awkward silence. "Well, um, like I said I'm FD and that's my friend Shimoariku, we call her Shimo, and—"**

**The fuzzy blue dude cut her off.**

**"Kurt Wagner!" he said with a German accent. "But in ze great Munich Circus, I vas known as Nightcrawler!" He struck a manly pose. Shimo squealed and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, rubbing his back with her cheek.**

**"Eew! Emo love!" Jack twitched. Both Kurt and Shimo glared at him.**

**"Iam not eemo!" Kurt said.**

**Jack laughed. "Dude, that has to be the most emo haircut ever. And your girlfriend has the same haircut too!"**

**"Pfft! Zat's ze pot callink ze kettle black…" Shimo began to growl.**

**"Don't you mean 'blue'?"**

**"Leeson goss-boy—"**

**"Enough! Don't make me get the hose you two!" Shimo said holding Kurt back.**

_Kurt continued to wiggle in attempt to get at Jack. Alas, kyuuketsuki (2) have really strong grips. After a while, he finally gave up. As a reward, Shimo began to scratch behind his hears. Nightcrawler began to purr._

_"Yeah, you don't want to mess with me!"_

_Shimo only rolled her eyes at the definitely emo redhead. She looked up at the sky to notice that it was getting dark. It was only then that she realized that she left the rickshaw with Tsume and Sasuke. _

_Without warning, she bounded from the crater in one giant leap and began running in the direction of the cart. Looking after her, FD, Jack and Kurt could only shrug. FD gave Kurt a nod, and the fuzzy blue elf grabbed their hands and, with a BAMF!, teleported them to the rickshaw.

* * *

_

Shimo: Yeah. Chapter one. Please don't hurt us… or sue. We have no money.

FD: Yeah! Oh, right; umm, Kurt is from X-MEN:Evolution, Tsume is from Wolf's Rain, and Sasuke is from Naruto. Jack Spicer...you know.

Shimo: Don't you mean 'Jacky-poo'?

FD: Actually, it's 'Jackie-kun'. OMG! The surprise! I will be awarding Mega FD Points for trivia and stuff later on. Once you get a certain number of points you can request for me to write a fic for you in almost any fandom, in absolutely ANY style. For this chapter: 50 Mega FD Points to any reviewer who knows my first name.

Ookami- Japanese for wolf. Here, it is used to describe a person with wolf ears and a tail (like neko). This term will be used throughout the fic for FD.

Kyuuketsuki- Japanese for vampire. This is as basic as it gets. This will be the term used for Shimo for most of the fic.


	2. PANCAKES!

FD: We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! And epsilonkiddo won the 50 Mega FD Points. I am Marcie.

_With a Little Help From My Friends_

_**Chapter 2**_

_**By: Fenrir's Daughter and Shimoariku**_

**With a BAMF! and a puff of smoke, the three 'ported to where they had left the rickshaw. Jack staggered, clutching his stomach as he pointed at Kurt accusingly.**

"**NEVER. Do that. Ever." And with that, he went off to find a bush to vomit in.**

_"Damn it!" FD whined. "She beat us again Kurt!"_

_Sure enough, Shimo was already at the rickshaw, talking severely to Sasuke and Tsume for the little argument they were having shortly before she came back._

_"I seriously don't know why you two would be arguing over who I love more," Shimo said._

_"But Shortie over here started it," Tsume complained._

_"Did not!" Sasuke defended._

_"I told you she loves me more than you!"_

_"NO! She lovessss me more!"_

_"ENOUGH!" Shimo picked both of them up by the scruffs of their necks and lifted them up off the ground, her green eyes glowing dangerously._

_"I don't love either of you," she growled. "I love Kurt, and that's that."_

**Both of them uttered an 'awwww…'**

**Jack wiped his mouth, stumbling as he headed for where the others were. Suddenly, he stopped, staring at the group that now stood before him and yelped.**

**"Attack of the emo haircuts! What the hell, man?!" he exclaimed, turning to FD. "Are you the only one without an emo-cut?"**

"**Besides you?" she said sarcastically.**

_There was a very loud and deep sounding growl. Jack had a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach saying he wasn't going to enjoy the next action. _

_Shimo dropped the two no longer bickering boys and appeared in front of Jack in the blink of an eye. She grabbed his throat, not too gently either, and lifted him a foot up from the ground and pinned him against a tree. Shimo's nails grew a little longer and pushed against his neck, small red gashes being cut into his neck._

_"Listen up emo-boy," she hissed. "Play your cards right and maybe you'll survive, but if you get in my way or if you insult me or any one of my followers again we'll have enough problems to stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey. Remember, kiddo: Shimo plus Jack equals snack. So stay out of my way!"_

_She dropped him unceremoniously to the ground and stood over him dangerously. He was coughing and sputtering as he tried to gather up oxygen into his deprived lungs. Shimo placed her foot on his chest and pushed him into the tree, leaning down with her teeth bared. He didn't remember them being so long… and sharp… and threatening…_

_"You get where I'm coming from?"_

**FD rushed over, grabbing Shimo by her arm and pulling as hard as she could.**

"**Get off of him!" she growled, her eyes flashing gold as she bared her own fangs. "Leave him alone, Shimo! He's only like this 'cause…look, I just know, okay?"**

Jack was really scared now; how did she 'know'? It was too creepy for words, and yet he was oddly excited at the prospect of having a stalker.

_Shimo was getting really upset now. She turned her head in FD's direction, teeth bared and eyes glowing brighter. She moved away from the frightened boy and slowly moved her way towards FD. Jack watched as a creepy looking black and purple aura began to surround Shimo and really got scared now. He'd run, but he was too stunned to move._

_The kyuuketsuki was advancing on FD, and the ookami was backing slowly away. Jack could see something in FD's eyes. Was it fear? No, not that. Possibly rage? No, not that either. Wait… yeah, yeah that was rage. And she was getting hairier._

_'Eew,' Jack thought. 'Hairy female.'_

_The bush beside him was moving. He was startled so, that he moved away from it. It moved a bit more severely and out popped a little baby. Kinda' fat really. It took Jack a few minutes to realize it was this kid named Stewie Griffith… or something like that._

_"I want pancakes!" the toddler screeched in a thick British accent. "God, do you people speak every other language except English? Yo quiero pancakes. Don et mois pancakes. CLICK CLICK BLOODY CLICK PANCAKES!" He stopped and looked around. "What the deuce? BLAST! I'm on the wrong set!"_

**Shimo's aura dissipated, FD grew less hairy, and the entire group blinked at the child as he walked away. Completely forgetting their fight, Shimo and FD leaned on each other, laughing their asses off. The others couldn't help but giggle along.**

**"That really broke the tension" Tsume said with a chuckle. **

**"Tell me about it" Sasuke agreed before tossing a glance Jack's way. "Who the hell are you?"**

**"Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius!"**

**He sighed, turning to Tsume. "Where doesss FD find thessse guysss?"**

**Tsume only shrugged, and Kurt nodded in agreement.**

**After awhile, Shimo and FD finally stopped laughing, the ookami having to wipe a tear from her eye.**

**"Click click bloody click; ooh boy!" she gasped out, barely able to breathe. "Right, now back to introductions! This is Tsume, he's a werewolf too, and that's Sasuke; he's Shimo's undead minion. We picked both of them up in Japan."**

_Shimo looked up at the rising moon. It was really late and they weren't any closer to civilization than they were a few hours ago. Her head suddenly turned towards Jack, who jumped slightly at the sudden-ness of it and hid behind FD. She frightened him too but he knew she would protect him._

_"Front and center, Jack!" Shimo barked. He didn't move._

**FD rolled her eyes, addressing the boy cowering behind her. "Do as she says, Jack; she just wants information."**

**"Do I have to?" he whimpered.**

**"Yes."**

**"What if I don't?"**

Sasuke answered him. "Then you'll become her next meal," he said, looking wistfully up at the nighttime sky. "Don't make the sssame misssstake I did. How I missss the ninja village…"

**The simpering Goth reluctantly tiptoed out from behind his guardian, gulping as he faced Shimo.**

_She looked him up and down as she circled him. Jack was getting nervous. She didn't make a sound and he was getting to the point of having a panic attack. She was too quiet. There was an abundance of dried leaves on the forest floor and she wasn't making a sound. He should be used to this by now._

_"Where's your place of residence?" she asked._

_"Spr-ingwwood Ohio," he stuttered._

_"What was that?" she asked, turning drill sergeant._

**"Springwood, Ohio, Ma'am! Home of Freddy Krueger!"**

**FD's face was suddenly and inexplicably surrounded by little pink sparkles (oh god, the sparkles!). "REALLY?!?" she squealed, latching on to Jack's arm again. "Have you ever had a nightmare about him? Do you know anybody who has?"**

**"Ummm, no. But he is very famous." He tried to pry his arm from the lycanthrope fangirl's iron grip.**

_"FD, do you mind?"_

**"Oh, I don't mind at all," she said, nuzzling the boy's arm.**

_"FD!"_

**She sulked, reluctantly letting go of him, when something popped into her head. "Waitaminute! What are you doing in CHINA?!"**

_"Fighting the stupid Xiaolin Monks," he said easily. "They keep stopping me from taking over the world."_

_"Hello?" FD and Jack looked over to Shimo. The glowing eyes were back…_

_"Right…" FD moved away from Jack so he was once again under the intense gaze of the kyuuketsuki. _

_"Look here Emo-Boy, I'm going to let you travel with us. But be warned to what I said earlier. I have no problem jeopardizing my friendship with FD to suck you dry. With me?"_

_"Yes,"_

_"And you are going to be under FD's care. I'm in a good mood today and the other part is that she won't leave me alone if I didn't."_

_'Damn…' he thought._

_'Yay!' FD thought._

_"But let one little red emo hair slip, and expect to be six feet under in less than a nanosecond. You're a technophile, right? I can smell the grease under your fingernails. You know how fast that is. Do I make myself clear?"_

_"Yes, Ma'am."_

_"Good. MOVE OUT TROUPE!"_

**"RIGHT!"**

**Kurt, Tsume and Shimo stepped up into the rickshaw, and FD pulled Jack up by his arm. Sasuke took up his place as the 'horse'.**

**"Vait," Kurt said. "Zere is only room for four."**

**FD winked, giving Jack her seat before shifting into her wolf form and plopping across his lap. He jumped a little, blushing darkly.**

**'The crazy one just had to like me…What am I saying? They're all crazy!'**

**They rode along under the full moonlight, Jack lost in thought and absent mindedly scratching FD behind the ears.**

FD: 3o Mega FD points to the reviewer that knows the definition of 'lycanthrope', and 20 more to the one that knows what technophile means!

Shimo: Okay then. Don't miss out on the 50 points she's practically giving you. And, stay tuned all you wonderful readers, 'cause we're only at the beginning! More randomness ensues after a few words from our sponsors… wait, we don't have sponsors. Until next time!


	3. A Little Background

FD: Hello again, our beauties! Is it happening?

Shimo: No, it's not. Now TYPE, damn you!

FD: Ah, you start. I can't think straight right now.

* * *

_**With a Little Help From My Friends**_

_**Chapter 3**_

_**By: Fenrir's Daughter and Shimoariku**_

_"Damn it Sasuke," Shimo said. "How could you be tired? You're dead!"_

_"I know, but I am mistresssss."_

_"Grrr. Fine. We'll camp here at this crappy motel tonight."_

_The group stood outside of this rundown shack. It was three stories and the siding was coming off. Not the most appealing place. While Tsume, Kurt and Sasuke gathered the bags and supplies, Shimo was inside making the reservations for rooms. She came out with three rings with one key on each. _

_"Tsume, you're sharing a room with Sasuke," she said handing a key to the white haired Wolfman. "I don't want to hear the 'things' that happen between you two. That means one person to a bed."_

_Despite being dead, Sasuke blushed as he noticed the sly look Tsume was giving him._

_"Kurt, you and me are sharing a room. Take all the things up."_

_"Jawohl!(1)" he said a little too perky._

_"FD, you and Jack get the last room," Shimo said giving her the last key._

_'DAMN!'_

_"Okay!" FD said snatching the key from her friend and pulling Jack towards the shack._

_'What the hell! I did not agree to this shit!'_

_"Do I have to sleep with her?" Jack asked. All went silent and everyone looked at him. He was oblivious to the implications of the question._

_"What?" he asked._

_With twinkling eyes, FD pulled on Jack and hauled him into the building and up the stairs, her tail wagging madly. Shimo stayed out to secure the rickshaw. She had that feeling again. She didn't want to leave it alone. Something really bad was going to go down._

**Back in their motel room, Jack and FD were settling in, which wasn't difficult if you considered they didn't have any luggage. Not much at least…**

**FD yawned, stretching out on her bed. All the while Jack never took his eyes off of her, not trusting her for a second. He blurted out what was on his mind without meaning to.**

**"How did you end up with them?"**

**"Huh?" she asked.**

**"With Shimo, and those other guys."**

**She sighed, stretching again. "Well, first I met Shimo. We were in this bullshit nowhere town on the Canadian border called Buffalo. Apparently, it used to be real hot stuff, back in the day. She's got a terrible sense of direction; poor vamp was trying to get to Russia!" She laughed, and in spite of himself, so did Jack.**

**"So, Shimo recruited me to sort of be her guide, and we ended up becoming friends. We found our way to Europe, and while we were in Berlin we decided to take a little brake and go to the circus. There, we met the great 'Nightcrawler'! Shimo saw him and it was love at first sight, I swear! We sneaked backstage to meet him, and he said their traveling circus had been bought out and that the new owner wanted to put him in the freak show. A great acrobat like him! The indignity!"**

**She waved her hand in mock anger, making a face. Jack grew more entranced.**

**"And then what?"**

**"He left the circus and came with us," she said simply. "He wanted to see Japan, so we skipped Russia and landed in Tokyo. There was this big…incident I'd rather not talk about, and that's how we met Tsume. He smelled his own kind and came to my rescue. We managed to escape the police—"**

**"Police?"**

**"Uh huh," she said with a grin. "Tokyo PD, Cataclysm Division. We managed to escape through the railway system, but halfway to Osaka Shimo got hungry. There was this unfortunate punk who ran away from his secret ninja village, Konoha. It means 'Village Hidden in the leaves', or something. Said he wanted to be in show business.**

**"Anyway, he got on Shimo's bad side—"**

**"So that's what he meant…" Jack trailed off, shivering.**

**"Yep. Trust me, man; what you saw before? That was only Shimo mildly upset. You wouldn't like her when she's angry."**

**He gulped, looking to the side. FD continued.**

**"But, you know, being her undead minion, Sasuke came to worship the ground Shimo walked on, as did Tsume after she saved his ass from this drunk with a shotgun.**

**"We ended up in this kareoke bar, 'Swan Song'. I had too much sake, and last thing I remember, Sasuke and Tsume were doing a duet of 'Build Me Up Buttercup', and Shimo and Kurt were arguing over how to bring democracy to Cuba. When I woke up, she was complaining about how the Cuban brochure hadn't said anything about that 'big wall thingy'! So I hit her with a paper fan."**

**FD nodded matter of factly to make her point, and Jack looked at the shewolf with a new appreciation. Then something crossed his mind.**

**"How could she mistake China for Cuba?", he asked incredulously.**

**FD shrugged. "She was close; both start with 'C', both are communist…it's an honest mistake, really. I told you, she has a terrible sense of direction. Well," she said, "Good night!" And with that, she plopped down on her own bed and shut her eyes.**

**Jack took in the story slowly, realizing he could probably never get away if he ran, and shrugged off his trenchcoat. It was going to be a long night.**

**

* * *

Jack moaned slightly, savoring the campfire smell as he nuzzled deeper into the soft, thick, curly hair in front of his face. For a moment, all was peaceful and he slipped his arms around the person in bed next to him, then, remembering the events of the previous night, he shot out of bed like a rocket, screaming like a little girl. **

_He moved quietly away from the bed and to the door, trying not to wake the sleeping ookami for fear of becoming a chew toy. He walked down the creaking stairs to the main floor, unlocking the front door and stepping outside into the daylight. _

_The sun was just coming up, so it had to be around early morning, probably around five. Feeling in the mood for a short walk, Jack stepped out towards the road. About five paces away from the building, that little BAMF! was heard accompanied by the grey smoke and sulfur smell. _

_Screaming like a little girl for the second time that morning, he fell backwards onto the ground. He glared up at the smiling blue creature thingy._

**"Vere are you goink?" he asked the frightened boy, cocking an eyebrow.**

**Jack hurriedly picked himself up. "Just for a walk. I was gonna be back real quick."**

**Kurt grinned at him. "Sure you vere. Come on; let's go beck."**

**The Goth sighed, knowing it was definitely not his lucky day. Not having much else to do, he asked little boy blue a question.**

**"What kind of sound effect is 'bamf' anyway?"**

**Kurt grinned once more. "Eet eez an acronym. Eet stands foh 'Bad Ass Mozer Fucker'."**

_Seemingly out of nowhere, a rolled up newspaper came hurling at the blue boy and smacked him painfully in the head. He grabbed his throbbing head and fell to the ground in a heap._

_"Kurt! I told you to watch your fucking language!"_

**"Ahen't ve a hypocrite?" he muttered to himself, forgetting about the enhanced hearing of vampires.**

_"You wanna say that to my face?"_

_Jack's eye twitched. After a few seconds, he burst out laughing, doubling over painfully at the intensity of the humor before him._

_"CLASSIC!" he screamed. "THAT WAS A CLASSIC!"_

**FD stumbled out onto her balcony, blissfully unaware that she was in her underwear. Jack blushed darkly on the verge of a nosebleed as his roommate rubbed her eyes. She seemed half-asleep still, but suddenly she bellowed out loud.**

**"SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"**

**The others were knocked back by the sheer volume, and she headed back inside. Kurt gave Jack a sly look.**

**"Vink vink, nudge nudge, say no more; eh, Spicer?"**

**The Goth blushed a shade of red hitherto unknown on this planet. "LIES! VICIOUS LIES!" Jack then proceeded to run around like a chicken with its head cut off.**

_"Get a hold of yourself Spicer!" Shimo said. Her head turned to the left sharply, somewhat preoccupied by the chicken-boy below to notice a small box falling from the sky. Still a little groggy from her sleep, she didn't have the reaction time to get out of the way, and the box hit her square in the head._

_She went black for a few seconds and lost her balance, falling over the railing of the balcony. Kurt teleported to catch the falling kyuuketsuki and pulled her close to him._

_"Shimo? You alright?"_

_She didn't answer._

**Flying high above them on a dragon, a Brazilian boy complained to himself that he missed.**

* * *

(1) Jawohl, pronounced " ya- VOLL", is German for "yes"

Shimo: Brazil boy's gonna get it. Reviews for this chappie would be nice. Now, here's FD with her Mega FD-thingy…

FD: (psychotic grin) That's right, folks! 25 Mega FD points to the reviewer who can name the stand-up comic the BAMF thing was in reference to. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tie Jack to the bed so he won't run away. Tralala!

Shimo: Have fun!

Jack: HELLLLLLP!

Shimo: Excuse me too, I'm not gonna miss this for the world! Muwhahahahahahahaha

FD: (in the distance) Shush, would you? Don't make me get the duct tape…


	4. Change of Plans

FD: Hello, my honies, hello my babies, hello my ragtime gals!

Shimo: (sigh) What am I gonna do with you?

Jack: I suggest a straightjacket.

Kurt: Mein GOTT, Jack! Could you be any _more_ of a Negative Nancy?

Jack: I am **NOT** a Negative Nancy!

_

* * *

_

_With A Little Help From My Friends_

_**Chapter 4**_

_**By: Fenrir's Daughter and Shimoariku**_

_The fuzzy blue elf took Shimo up in his arms, staring at her face with a look of utmost concern. "Shimo?! Shimo, mein liebchen?" He shook her gently, trying to wake the unconscious kyuuketsuki._

_Suddenly, her eyes shot open, burning that same brilliant green as she leapt through the air to where the box had fallen. Her black and purple aura returned, and Kurt and Jack knew someone was in trouble._

**"Yeah, I'm totally gonna stay on her good side now," Jack said. **

**"Good choice, mein friend."**

**Jack nodded, looking around, until the offending box caught his eye. As he picked it up, several screams sounded in the distance. To be more specific, directly above them.**

**He held it up to his ear and shook it, then looked the box over. There was a note on it, addressed to him, signed by those stupid monks. Great; just what he needed. So, accustomed to being alone, he read it out loud.**

**"Dear Jack; you forgot this at our last battle. Thought you might miss it. XOXO, the monks."**

**Jack opened the box, ignoring the stifled giggles from Kurt, and let out a horrified scream. It was his favorite robot, or at least pieces of it.**

**"Robo-Jack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He sobbed uncontrollably.**

**Hearing this, FD rushed outside, fully clothed this time, to console him. She put her arms around his shoulders, making a shushing noise. "Baby, what's wrong?" She yelped slightly and shivered at the sight of the broken robot; it really looked just like him…**

**Jack was so upset he actually leaned into her embrace. "He never even got to see the world," he said before breaking into a fresh burst of sobs.**

**This tender moment was utterly destroyed by a great whistling and enduring screams as four monks and an unconscious dragon plummeted towards the Earth. Shimo floated down beside them, gracefully.**

_Eyes still glowing and aura still around her, she advanced on the group of teenagers and the little green dragon. The regular troupe stepped back, almost knowing what to expect._

_"WHO THREW THAT FUCKING BOX!?" Shimo screamed, red faced and steam coming from her ears. Kurt didn't even attempt to calm her. He didn't want to die yet. But Jack was a happy little panda; he was going to see his enemies get their asses kicked by a kyuuketsuki. This day was turning out better than he had hoped._

_The yellow-skinned bald boy was the first to recover. It took him a few moments to get his head together, but soon directed his attention to the rest of his fallen comrades. Being such a devoted friend, he made sure the rest of his group was up on their feet before turning to the extremely pissed off vampire._

**"That was most rude!" the small boy stated. "Why did you attack us?"**

**Shimo bared her fangs. "Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, shrimp; WHO THREW THAT FUCKING BOX?!?!?"**

**In spite of themselves, the girl, the cowboy and the cheeseball hid behind Raimundo. Kimiko pushed him forward.**

**"Sorry, Rai," she whispered. "It's for our own safety."**

**The Xiaolin dragon of the wind could only whimper as his eyes bugged out of his head. Shimo advanced on him, baring her fangs and hissing. Suddenly, he cried out and fell to his knees.**

**"It was an accident! I was aiming for Spicer!"**

**The kyuuketsuki stopped to consider this, then nodded knowingly. "That I can forgive; he would totally deserve it." Her dark aura dissipated and she backed off.**

**Jack stared incredulously, his mouth hanging open. "You have GOT to be KIDDING ME!"**

**FD sighed. "That's Shimo for ya! Never a dull moment, I swear!" The ookami laughed. "Come on; let's get back on the road."**

**Jack protested as FD grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to the rickshaw. He desperately tried to pry himself from her vice-like grip when he remembered something important.**

**"But what about Tsume and Sasuke? We can't leave without them!"**

**FD slapped her forehead. "Oh my Elvis, you're right! Stay here; I'll be right back."**

**He wiped his brow in relief at the temporary reprieve. This was his chance; Kurt and Shimo were preoccupied with each other. Jack ran up to the monks with pleading eyes. They were his enemies but they had hearts!**

**"You've gotta help me!" he urgently whispered. "They're INSANE! That chick is a vampire, her boyfriend's a circus freak and the one with the braids is a werewolf! I don't wanna be eaten alive!"**

_Kimiko grew pale as she fixed her gaze behind the redhead, and Jack went a little rigid when he saw the shadow billow over him. He gulped and turned slowly around to face the inevitable._

_"Hi Shimo," he said nervously while waving. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"_

_He turned to try and make a run for it when Rai tripped him. He looked up into the Brazilian's face. More smug than ever. Jack glared daggers at him as he was pulled away towards the rickshaw by his feet. He dug his fingers into the dirt to slow his fate, but it wasn't working, and he was getting his nails dirty too._

_Once at the rickshaw, Shimo pulled him up and pinned him to the side of the cart._

_"Let's review, shall we?"_

_"…gulp…"_

_"Now then, I'm sure you remember the little conversation we had about two chapters ago, am I right?"_

_"Which was that?" he asked nervously._

_"You remember, 'Shimo plus Jack equals snack'? Didn't I make myself clear that I didn't like you dissing my friends and minions? Sure, we may be insane, but I am the only one who gets to say that."_

_"Who died and made you the boss?" Jack asked, going out on a very thin limb._

_"You haven't seen me on a killing spree yet," Shimo assured him. "You'll see plenty of that when we get to Lake Baikal."_

**Just as she was about to toss the goth into the rickshaw, the little dragon traveling with the monks regained consciousness. He flailed around wildly, attempting to reach his back. "Oh, these shen gong wu rashes drive me crazy!" he exclaimed, scratching like mad. "Another one's revealed itself, and it's a doozie!"**

**Kimiko pulled the ancient scroll from her backpack and the monks gazed at it for wisdom. Clay read the name of the latest Wu aloud.**

**"The Onyx Crow; dang, that sounds like a right spooky varmint."**

**"It is! The Onyx Crow allows you to travel through people's dreams, causing all manner of mischief. And any harm that comes to a dreaming person from the crow is maintained in the real world, too. I know it sounds evil, but that's cuz it is. They're one of the ones Wuya created before she switched sides."**

**Shimo's ears pricked up; these things sounded powerful. This could be a great opportunity for her. She lifted Jack to his feet again.**

**"What are shen gong wu?" she said with a sly smile, digging her nails into his shoulders.**

**"They're magical objects we've been fighting over for some time!" Jack replied quickly, not wanting to further incur her wrath.**

**The kyuuketsuki turned her attention to the young monks. "You'll be giving us a ride, I trust?" It was more of a statement than a question.**

**Omi answered her bluntly, as was his way. "But you are evil! It would be most unwise for us to help you."**

**"True," she said casually, "but you guys still owe me, Omi. It's the ride or Brazil Boy's neck."**

**Quicker than a lightning flash she was behind Rai, her fingers lightly stroking his throat. He gulped and Kurt glared at him jealously. Dojo took his larger form.**

**"Hurry up and decide! Time's a wasting and we gotta head north NOW!"**

**The monks looked at each other and groaned. "You may come with us," Omi sighed with bowed head. She grinned in response, letting out a whistle, long and high. Before her appeared the tailed girl from before, clutching two boys by their necks. She spoke.**

**"They were naked," she whispered with a giggle, "and they didn't follow your decree of one to a bed, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!"**

**Shimo let out a hearty laugh. "Change of plans, FD. We're going with them."**

**Sasuke cheered, Tsume shrugged, and FD dropped them on their asses. "Cool," she said simply, latching onto Jack once more.**

_Shimo, FD, Kurt, Jack, Tsume and Sasuke all hopped onto the dragon along with the rest of the Xiaolin monks. Dojo, on the other hand, couldn't breathe._

_"Need… air…" he said. "Feel… like… Giles… Corey!"_

_Getting impatient, Shimo kicked his side quite roughly and that was enough to jump-start the dragon. Now, they were off on the search for the next shen gong wu.

* * *

_

FD: Happy to be of service! This chapter's Mega FD Points are as follows: 20 points for who can guess what play Shimo's "Giles Corey" line was from.

Shimo: Now then, if you would excuse us, we have our playthings to get to.

Jack: …gulp…

Kurt: Hooray!


	5. Inner Rockstar

FD: This is gonna be a long one, folks. And a songfic! Hooray! Mrs.Nightcrawler won the 20 Mega FD Points! WOOT! That's 20 ponts towards a fic of her choice! Kinda like a coffee card!

Shimo: And I know Imma bitch... and what are you?

* * *

_**With a Little Help From My Friends**_

_**Chapter 5**_

_**By: Fenrir's Daughter and Shimoariku**_

**_xXx_**

_Dojo seemed to be taking his sweet time flying through the air to the north. They were headed to Russia; Shimo could just tell. The scenery below brought back memories from a long time ago. Memories she was thankful to have… and memories she wished she could just rip from her being. He was one of those. He would pay dearly, but only if they crossed paths. Shimo did not want to go out of her way. _

_Besides, she had bigger fish to fry. This Onyx Crow sounded powerful, and she was going to be the one to get her hands on it. It could prove useful on more than one occasion, especially when it came to her favorite blue fuzzy boy._

_She giggled to herself from the thought of what she could do to Kurt. She giggled loud enough for Jack to hear, making him all the more wary of the Kyuuketsuki. Kurt, on the other hand, had a feeling he knew what was going on in Shimo's mind, and his toes were tingling from the idea. Good thing he was furry, otherwise the others would clearly see him blushing._

**FD, on the other hand, was preoccupied with the monks; if Jack had problems with them there could be trouble. She looked them over, particularly the small boy with the large head. Something told her to watch out for him.**

**The dragon slowed his flight, curving as he moved to land. "This is it, kids! The Onyx Crow should be directly below."**

**Dojo skimmed the ground and they jumped off, the monks and Jack searching while the newcomers stood around curiously. Of their little motley crew, only Shimo and FD really showed any enthusiasm; Shimo for potential gain, and FD for an opportunity to impress Jack.**

**"So," the ookami said, "what exactly are we looking for?"**

**"Anything out of the ordinary," he said. "This thing should be giving off a strong magical aura, too, if that helps."**

**She grinned. "Yeah, that helps." FD sniffed the air; at first the only magic she smelled was coming from a reptilian creature nearby. Not Dojo, but someone stronger, and two other beings she didn't recognize. The ookami growled; "We've got company…"**

**Sure enough, out from the bushes sprang a girl in a leather catsuit, screeching like a bat out of Hell. She dove for an object shaped like a small black bird on a chain, and at the last possible moment, FD grabbed it at the same time. It was the Onyx Crow, and it glowed a deep gold around the two girls. Out from behind the same bush walked a tall Asian guy and a slightly older looking red-headed woman. She did not look at all pleased, but the male smiled a Mona Lisa smile as if he knew something the others didn't.**

**The small Chinese monk flipped in front of him, pointing an accusing finger. "Chase Young! So we meet yet again!"**

"**As we do every time, young monk," he said, narrowing his eyes. "But I do not believe I have met the dead weight you've brought along…"**

**"That'sssssssss undead weight, jerk!" Sasuke corrected. Shimo slapped her forehead. Chase spoke again.**

**"In any case, it seems that your new friend and Katnappe are going to have a Xiaolin Showdown. Honestly, I do not have great confidence in the canine one; from the way she holds herself she seems a novice."**

**FD glared at the man who insulted her. "Jack," she hissed through bared fangs, "what do I have to do?"**

**He answered quickly. "It's a Xiaolin Showdown! Challenge her to a contest or something—"**

**"Alright, Pretty Kitty," the ookami growled, "I challenge you five levels of Guitar Hero; highest score at the end of the set wins."**

**"I accept, but don't call me Pretty Kitty."**

**"Now shout 'Gong Yi Tan Pai' to start," Jack further advised, and the two girls did.**

**As their cry rang out into the brisk Russian afternoon, fences and a great stage sprang up from the cracking earth. Light rigs, scaffolding, banners and flags in tatters and rags; at first sight, they also seemed to be surrounded by all manner of demons and the undead, but after a moment Tsume and Sasuke pointed out that they were just a bunch of punk, goth, and metal kids. Somewhere in the distance, a mosh pit started, and the crowd roared. Jack and the monks looked around wildly, but FD and Katnappe were nowhere to be found.**

"**What in TARNATION?!" Clay yelled, being overtaken and lifted to crowdsurf. Tsume shrugged and proceeded to pogo with a group of mohawk clad youths. Shimo's eyes widened and she pointed to the stage.**

"**FD!! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!"**

"**She's fighting the cat chick; let her be," Jack reassured her.**

"**Oh…KICK HER ONCE FOR ME, FD!!"**

**Sure enough, FD was on stage in combat boots, her hair out and wild and her shirt torn in a vaguely '80s style. Katnappe, on the other hand, was on the opposite side of the stage in a Catholic school uniform, the shirt tied just under the bust. Both had mini replicas of Gibson SG's in hand, and a large screen stood behind the feuding girls.**

"**What's this?" the feline girl asked in confusion, and her challenger laughed.**

"**Time to unleash your inner rock star. Carpe diem, baby."**

**In a flash of smoke and kick ass pyrotechnics, two out of shape middle aged men appeared, one balding and the other with shoulder length hair and a goatee. FD beamed, but all others present stared in confusion.**

"**What the fuck is Tenacious D doing here?"**

**They answered almost immediately. "We are your Masters of Ceremonies, kids, so welcome to the ultimate amateur guitar video game battle thingy!"**

"**We worked so hard on saying that in sync" Jack Black whispered.**

"**All right, so this is how it goes," Cage said, sneering into his mike; "Five levels, one song each; you move yer fingers on the buttons to make chords, yadda yadda yadda, lets go! We gotta finish shooting The Pick of Destiny!"**

**Music started up and colors scrolled down the screen behind them, dictating what notes the two were to play. The first four levels came and went without much upset; the audience who had appeared from nowhere in particular constantly heckled Katnappe, referring to her as 'Britney', 'Christina' and 'Avril', but she bared through it stubbornly. FD, of course, trounced her without mercy through the first four level slash song thingies; first, the opening lick, "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones; the axe-grinder, "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand; Queen's thrash and burn song, "Killer Queen"; finally, the major fret-burner, Ozzy Osbourne's "Bark at the Moon" ended with FD heavily in the lead. Both girl's fingers were cramping, and they longed for clemency, having been there nearly forty-five minutes, but the end was in sight; only one song remained and their battle was done, though it was clear who the winner was.**

"**I can't believe this! Jack's actually winning!"**

"**Um, he'sss not, uh doih," Sasuke shot back at the Japanese girl. "FD isss, and of courssse! She'sss, like, religiousssly metal."**

"**Yeah," Tsume agreed, pogo-ing with the weirdoes in the crowd as Clay was lifted overhead, finally giving in and calling out a resounding "YEEEHAH!"**

"**THIS IS IT, BIOTCHES! TIME FOR THE FACE-MELTER!" Jack Black and Cage called out simultaneously. **

"**Your final song" said Cage.**

"**Your last hurrah" said Jack Black.**

"**CONSUME LOSERS!!"**

**The song started up, and here they stood, fighting tooth and nail for what was theirs; the notes scrolled, and Motorhead played. In the back round, Lemmy Killmeister's voice rasped out his angry, disaffected 'I'll do what I wanna, so fuck you' lyrics, and Katnappe and FD played along.**

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man  
You win some, you lose some, it's all the same to me  
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say  
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is  
The Ace Of Spades

The Ace of Spades

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil  
Going with the flow, it's all the same to me  
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you  
Double up or quit, double stake or split  
The Ace Of Spades

The Ace of Spades

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools  
But that's the way I like it baby  
I don't wanna live for ever  
And don't forget the joker!

**FD's fingers moved furiously up and down the fret, practically scorching her claws; the audience and the monks, as well as Chase's crew, were awestruck at her amazing guitar solo. How could she possibly have this kind of power? Raimundo was completely dumbfounded at the accuracy of each note; even Jack felt something stir within his soul, and he knew from then on he would no longer be goth, but strive for something greater.**

**Towards the end of the face-melting powerhouse performance, Katnappe glanced sidelong at FD's half of the screen, seeing the high numbers and the constantly blinking 'ALL TIME HIGH SCORE NUMBER ONE!!' and with that she shrugged and gave up, too tired to try any dirty tricks or even care.**

Pushing up the ante, I know you wanna see me  
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again  
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die  
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be  
The Ace Of Spades

The Ace of Spades

**The crowd, the monks, Shimo's troupe—Hell, even Chase Young and Wuya cheered! Never had they seen such a harrowing performance. With a final burst of energy, FD grabbed the mike from Jack Black as he was about to declare her the winner and return them to the real world to give her only fans a final message before they were parted forevermore.**

"**I AM FENRIR'S DAUGHTER, THE VIKING GODDESS OF ROCK, AND I! TAKE! NO PRISONERS!!"**

**She strummed one incredibly loud note, fire lit the stage, the crowd roared with excitement, and then all was black.

* * *

**

FD: Wow, that was long, but it was so FUCKING WORTH IT!!!

Shino: Even I liked it. Go figure. Oh… here's the next FD challenge…

FD: Umm, I hadn't thought of one yet… Gimme a minute…OH!! What Metallica song did I mention after I said 'Unleash your inner rock star'? That'll be a nice fat 50-pointer.

Shimo: And since she hogged this chapter… I GET THE NEXT ONE!!!!

FD: Fine by ME! (lies down for long ass nap)

Jack(Spicer): fwoo, I'm safe for tonight.

Jack(Black): DUDE! Wanna go with me an' Cage for Jello shots?

Jack(Spicer): Sure! Wow, you're really nice! When I rule the world you can be a kick ass Duke!

Jack(Black): All right, but only if there'll be risin' up in the street; those bastard coated bastards at city hall are gonna pay!

Cage: (singing) And set shit on fire!


End file.
